I can hardly believe I’m diving into the topic of weight for my second blog post, but here we go!
I’ve been weighing myself almost religiously since high school. I vividly remember stepping on a scale at a friend’s house, only to be told that it was off by five pounds. From that moment, I convinced myself I weighed 120 pounds instead of the 125 that the scale indicated (and let’s be honest—it probably wasn’t even a digital scale!). Eventually, I came to terms with the fact that my true weight was likely closer to 125 pounds. It’s funny how certain ideas can get stuck in our heads. Do you remember the old notion that a woman’s ideal weight is 100 pounds plus 5 pounds for every inch over 5 feet tall? By that math, at 5 feet 4 inches, my “ideal” weight is 120 pounds. That number became etched in my mind.
My weight profile 2020 through 2024
To my knowledge, I only reached that weight during 2020 and 2021, right in the thick of COVID. After my divorce was finalized, I was determined to follow a strict eating plan that revolved around low-fat proteins (think egg whites and chicken breast), as many vegetables as I could handle, and just 1-2 servings of fruit a day. With lockdowns limiting my opportunities to dine out or indulge in those tempting glasses of wine, the weight fell off. The only carbs I allowed myself came from stealthy trips to my sister’s house, where she was perfecting her bread-making skills. I felt lean and proud, but the feedback from family and friends was mixed—some praised my new look, while others questioned whether I had developed an eating disorder. That last comment hit harder than I realized at the time.
I’ve had my fair share of unhealthy thoughts about weight. By mid-2021, my weight had crept back up to 130 pounds as I resumed socializing with friends and family. With that shift, my control over my eating habits began to slip. Over the next couple of years, my weight continued to rise, first to 135 pounds and now closer to 140. At one point, I convinced myself I’d wait until I was back near 130 before my next physical. Ultimately, I had to let that idea go. At my new doctor’s office in a different state, there was no commentary on my weight, which was a refreshing change. In the past, significant weight fluctuations would have prompted questions from my doctor.
Hitting that "target" weight
I’ve noticed a pattern: when my weight starts to climb, I tend to step away from the scale for months at a time. When I do decide to weigh myself again, I often avoid recording the number. But then I commit to cutting back on alcohol, sweets, and other non-nutritious foods. In the past two years, my focus has shifted toward building muscle and understanding its importance as we age. With the assistance of a trainer, I have had tremendous gains in muscle strength, which reinforces my interest in eating more nutritious foods, especially protein and staying away from those that don't contribute to muscle maintenance or building (I’ll delve deeper into this in future posts).
Where I am today
Weight is a complex topic, and I’m learning to navigate my relationship with it. I hope sharing my journey resonates with you.
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